It's quiet in the house. It's not too late, but I'm the only one awake. I put Dexter to bed earlier, Suzie's asleep in our bed and Buckaroo is cuddled up next to me. I'm crying quite a bit right now. Suzie bought a present for me for Father's Day. It's a book I wanted called, The Road by Cormac McCarthy. I finished it in two days. It's about a father and his son. It's about painful decisions a father has to make in order to find a better life for his son in a difficult world.

I love Dexter. There is no ambiguity to that, nor should there ever be any question to it. I love him more than I love myself. I will do anything for him. Just like my father did for me and that's what I think makes me so sad, hopeful and loving and much more all at the same time. I miss my pop, but I know that I can talk to him whenever I want and in my heart, I can hear him. I know he is watching me continue to grow and watching Dexter grow every day. Whenever I get sad about my dad not physically being with us, I am always brought back to the day that he met Dexter and asked me, "Can I hug him?". I will always carry that moment with me because of not only the love he showed for Dexter, but for the love he had for me. I miss you pop. I really do.

I'm not a perfect man/husband/father and I never claim to be. I try to do what's right and will continue to do so. I'm saying this, not to solicit anyone's input to the contrary. I'm saying this for myself, not for any validation.

I don't normally write this much, but if you're reading this, you know it's a little out of context for this blog. Don't get me wrong, it's always about Dexter, but thought I'd share how I feel right now. But I guess when it comes down to it, I did write this for my love of Dexter. So it is about Dexter...

So we're trying to get Dexter to shun the diaper and use the potty/toilet. It's difficult. We're trying to incentivize (is that a word?) Dexter by having him reach goals; for example, every time he pees in the toilet, that's 5 stickers. After 5 stickers, he gets to go to the toy store and get a toy (we're not millionaires, so we kind of guide him as to what toy he can get). Anyway, it's not going as easy as we thought, but we're trying to get Dexter to move away from the diaper and move towards the toilet.

I thought I would share that he did hit 5 and we did get him a new toy flatbed tow truck (at least it wasn't a bell tower...please, if you must know, email me). He was so happy with it. When we got back to the car with it, I asked him, "Hey Dexter, can I play with that when we get home?". He was pensive about it but then it occurred to me that it was his reward for his efforts and I shouldn't take away (borrow?) his reward. So I bent down back to him and I said, "Dexter, I'm sorry, that's your toy so you play with it all you want". He looked at me and said, "That's ok, daddy, I love you". That made me cry. There I was, a 39 year old man, crying in the parking lot with his son. He's so thoughtful and understanding. I wish I could share with everyone in the world just how neat Dexter is.

That said...

Went to the Oakland Zoo within the last week. We love to take Dexter there cause 1) we live not more than 2 miles away from it, 2) we have a membership there so there's no cost to it and 3) it's a fun way to tire Dexter out and have fun looking at the animals. But Dexter isn't the only one who has fun. Suzie finds it funny to watch the baby giraffe try and eat. It really is funny to watch.



FINALLY. There is a sign that pretty much says, "You must be this tall to ride this ride" to get on this children's ride at the zoo. For a child to ride alone, they must be at least 36 inches tall. In the past, we've gotten away with sneaking him in, but, no more. No more sneaking him in, no more pleading with ride operators, no more getting mad when shorter kids come in to try and ride. Dexter is now well over 36 inches. And by well over, I mean a fraction of an inch.



If you haven't been to our house, this pretty much sums up the amount of traffic that happens when Dexter busts out all his vehicles (not including the ones he likes to sleep with).




Dexter's uncombed hair gives him the look of a disheveled genius and curious little guy.



We've been lucky to get sun during the weekends up here in Oakland. During the week, well, that's an entirely different matter of overcast skies. Buckaroo seems to enjoy soaking up the rays.



Buckaroo is fascinated with the squirrels in our neighborhood. You can't see the squirrel in the tree, but you can see his reaction to the squirrel (the squirrel's actually taunting him by going up and down the tree).